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Two Cent Review: Quantum Conundrum

“Honey, we have Portal 3 at home.”

Valve’s “Portal” series has always been near and dear to my heart. From the first foray into the physics based puzzling formula, to the generational classic that was its successor, this one of a kind series has supplied me with memorable experiences more times than I can count.

Imagine my surprise then when I learned about yet another reality-bending puzzle game made in the same vein as “Portal”. Here’s my two cents on Quantum Conundrum.

Released way back in good ol’ 2012, long before remakes and loot boxes seemingly dominated the video game space, Quantum Conundrum was released as a familiar but unique take on the Portal formula from industry vet Kim Swift. Developed by Airtight Games and published by Square Enix, this brain buzzing platformer saw the player utilizing dimensional shifts in order to solve puzzles.

These dimensions are essentially four unique states of reality, all of which carried a unique gimmick with them. From the Fluffy dimension, which makes even the heaviest objects light as a feather, to the Slo-mo dimension, which does exactly what you’d think it does. 


Unfortunately, these different dimensions only go so far in helping the game feel unique. I can’t quite pinpoint the reason as to why, but Quantum Conundrum consistently felt inferior to it’s spiritual predecessor when it came to gameplay. If I had to wager, I’d bet that the game feels more dull due to its focus on platforming to solve problems vs using physics to do so.

It’s a subtle difference, but a tremendous one when distinguishing these two games. Portal games always felt like they were multi-faceted, or that you could solve them in a variety of ways so long as you thought outside of the box enough. The variety in both problems and solutions were astounding. They didn’t focus entirely upon the simple aspect of platforming or navigating difficult spaces. That’s where I think Quantum Conundrum falls flat.

It feels a bit odd to compare these two obviously differing series, but I feel as though so much influence from Portal is on display in Quantum Conundrum. So to compare the two only feels natural, much in the same way that this game felt like it wanted to be a natural progression of the Portal formula. Sadly, I have to admit that this game is a severely inferior experience. 

Gotta be honest here, none of it feels like it was made with much love or care. The writing is consistently not funny, try as it might to convince you otherwise. The music, while whimsical, mysterious and upbeat, never does much in regards to wriggling into your ear spaces. As a matter of fact, the music teetered on annoying territory from time to time with how repetitive it could be. 

The environments consistently felt dull as well, with little to no visual story-telling going on during the game’s roughly 8 hour runtime. This issue was one that was especially prevalent within the latter half of the game, as the poor attempts at visual story-telling that were at least attempted in the beginning seemed to vanish completely. 

But none of that compares to the writing in this game, which was easily the weakest aspect of Quantum Conundrum. The majority of this game tries to be funny, but fails miserably at doing so. You know, it’s completely possible that 2012 me would have liked this game’s writing and found it’s dialogue to be humorous, but 2012 me is dead, so it doesn’t matter. 

2022 me is here and he dislikes everything… especially poor writing. 

This issue is further exacerbated by the performance given by your uncle’s voice actor. No, I don’t mean your uncle you just saw for a heated political discussion on Christmas. I mean, your mad scientist uncle that acts as this game’s narrator and also serves as a consistent source of pessimism throughout.

Seriously, this dude spends the whole game trapped in another dimension walking you through how to navigate his death palace mansion in order to save him, and all he ever throws your way are half-assed remarks. That’s the whole plot of the game by the way. Uncle trapped in dimension, now you go save uncle trapped in dimension. 

Spoiler alert for the end here by the way, but uh, even in the final moments of the game, you’re never thanked for saving your uncle’s life. Instead, you’re shown a short “cutscene” in which your uncle admits to being freed but now has to work on getting you out of the dimensional trap instead. No “thank you”, no sense of urgency, no nothing. 

Just a shitty feeling in the pit of your stomach for being a good person and saving someone’s life. 

Quantum Conundrum just sort of…ends after that interaction, seemingly leaving the game open to a sequel. Not too sure that we’ll ever get a follow up in regards to what happened to our main character, but maybe that’s for the best. I’m sure any dimension where the worst uncle to ever grace gaming doesn’t exist is one worth staying in. 

I wanted to like Quantum Conundrum, but I honestly struggled to get through this one. It’s definitely not one that I could easily recommend, unless you’ve already played Valve’s genre defining series, and are willing to overlook some serious shortcomings. I reviewed this game because I picked it up for $1 on a Steam sale and I still feel like my time was wasted.

Which is why I can’t wait to check out the DLC…

TO BE CONTINUED.